Assignment #2
1.A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." .
Warm up-My hobbies are hunting, drawing, fishing, watching TV and playing video games
My first hobby is hunting because I like to shoot guns and I like to spend time with my granddad. My second hobby is drawing I like to draw because sometimes I like to draw whatever I see. My third hobby is fishing. I like fishing because I like to eat fish. My fourth hobby is watching TV I like to watch TV because I like to watch animal planet, cartoons and the science channel. My last but never least hobby is playing video games. I like to play video games because it gives me better reflexes and it is fun to play.
1.A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." .
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book
2.the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
2.the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
3.This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.
After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict."
His order comes a while later and it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"
The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict."
His order comes a while later and it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"
The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
4.Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
5.A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while two fish watched.
"Did you see that?" one fish said, as the clams finished their treat.
"They didn't offer us a single bite!"
"What do you expect?" asked the other fish. "They're two shellfish."
"Did you see that?" one fish said, as the clams finished their treat.
"They didn't offer us a single bite!"
"What do you expect?" asked the other fish. "They're two shellfish."
6.During World War One, Mata-Hari, the famous spy, attended a masquarade party at one of the French Army Officer's Clubs, in hopes of learning some secret information.
Colonel Bouchard, a counterintelligence officer, learned of this, and decided to raid the place and arrest her. He and a squad of military police stormed in and secured the doors.
Bouchard then took the stage, and commanded, "All right, let's everybody get those masks off, and we'll see who's Hari now!"
Colonel Bouchard, a counterintelligence officer, learned of this, and decided to raid the place and arrest her. He and a squad of military police stormed in and secured the doors.
Bouchard then took the stage, and commanded, "All right, let's everybody get those masks off, and we'll see who's Hari now!"
7.There was this really smart sheep down in Mexico who knew how to make butter and buttermilk.
One night she sneaked across the border and got a job working for a farmer, who set up a roadside stand and told her to try to sell the stuff. Unfortunately traffic was very heavy and the sight of this sheep making butter and buttermilk was so distracting that naturally there was an accident.
The police investigated and issued the farmer a citation for attempting to make an illegal ewe churn on a busy highway.
One night she sneaked across the border and got a job working for a farmer, who set up a roadside stand and told her to try to sell the stuff. Unfortunately traffic was very heavy and the sight of this sheep making butter and buttermilk was so distracting that naturally there was an accident.
The police investigated and issued the farmer a citation for attempting to make an illegal ewe churn on a busy highway.
8.There was a snake called Nate. His purpose in life was to stay in the desert and guard the lever. This lever was no ordinary lever. It was the lever that if moved would destroy the world. Nate took his job very seriously. He let nothing get close to the lever.
One day off in the distance he saw a cloud of dust. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was a huge boulder and it was heading straight for the lever!
Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder he could deflect it and it would miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran over Nate, but it was, in fact, deflected, leaving history to conclude that is was better Nate than lever.
One day off in the distance he saw a cloud of dust. He kept his eye on it because he was guarding the lever. The dust cloud continued to move closer to the lever. Nate saw that it was a huge boulder and it was heading straight for the lever!
Nate thought about what he could do to save the world. He decided if he could get in front of the boulder he could deflect it and it would miss the lever. Nate slithered quickly to intersect the boulder. The boulder ran over Nate, but it was, in fact, deflected, leaving history to conclude that is was better Nate than lever.
9.The group of cowboys riding with the sheriff was not gaining on the outlaws at all. The sheriff asked for suggestions. One of the cowboys said, "We could add a male bovine to our group."
The sheriff nodded and said, "That's posse bull."
The sheriff nodded and said, "That's posse bull."
10. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Words:
1. jointure: Property given to a woman upon marriage, to be owned by her after her husband.
2. polemic\ , noun; A controversial argument, as one against some opinion, doctrin
To suppress or get rid of by some indirect maneuver.
3. burke:
4. holus-bolus: All at once; altogether.
5. mundify: To purge or purify.
6. billet :to provide or obtain lodging. A wooded, uninhabited area.
7. willowwack: hit willow spider with stick
8.detente: A relaxing of tension, especially between nations
9.deadpan: Marked by or accomplished with a careful pretense of seriousness or calm detachment.
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